Post

Season 8, episode 1.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Acknowledgments: Many thanks to Linda and Darcy for beta reading this episode.

“I knew a girl who was a sacrifice,” Buffy said.

“What?”

“Her people sacrificed her so that they could live.”

“Is this like a metaphor? Are you the girl?”

“No. Well, yes. But I did actually know a girl who was sacrificed.”

“But it’s not like that for you anymore. You changed all that. You don’t have to die. You don’t have to sacrifice everything so that the world can continue.”

“I know,” Buffy said and sat silently for a minute. “And I guess… Here’s my question: What does the sacrifice do when she escapes, you know? What does she do when all her life’s been moving toward this one moment, and suddenly she realizes that moment will never come?”

“She lives, love. You just gotta live.”

“But it’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one thing I’m having a conversation with my dead ex-lover.”

“I can see how that would freak you out,” Spike said. “I’ll go.”

“No don’t,” Buffy replied and opened her eyes to find herself alone in the back seat of a school bus that could pass for a trauma ward.

They took up an entire Motel 6. Buffy had no idea where the money came from; she sure as hell didn't have any left after feeding and housing an army for five months. Maybe Willow had conjured something. Hmm, probably not ethical. Buffy made a mental note to care about that later. For now she just needed to rest. She hobbled into her room and sank wearily into the bed. The mattress was lumpy and the springs squeaked but it felt wonderful.

She was just drifting off when the sound of someone knocking jolted her awake again. Buffy opened her eyes and saw Dawn peeking her head around the door.

"Hey," Dawn said.

"Hey."

"You goin’ to sleep?"

"No, I thought I'd play a few games of football," Buffy said, her voice muffled by the pillow her face was partially buried in. "Wanna play?"

"Nah. I’m not really coordinated enough for sports. I just wanted to check in, see how you were. Does the wound need to be bandaged?"

"No. I'm fine, thanks for checkin’" Buffy replied and closed her eyes. After a few moments she realized she hadn’t heard the door close. She opened her eyes to find that Dawn was still standing there expectantly. Buffy flashed back to when they were kids, and Dawn would crawl into bed with her, seeking comfort during the many parental spats.

"Dawn."

"Yeah?"

"Wanna sleep here? The bed's plenty big."

"If you don't mind," Dawn replied as she scurried to the other side of the bed and hopped in. "I promise I won't keep you up."

"Yeah right."

"I won't."

"Sure, cause it's not like you kick out viciously in your sleep."

"You've never presented any evidence that I do that, so I'm going to assume it's a libelous assault on my character."

"Stop watching ‘Law and Order’. And it's not my fault I heal too fast to be able to present the bruises in the morning."

"A likely excuse."

"Dawn-"

"Sorry, sorry. Sleeping now. Very quiet," Dawn said and burrowed into the covers.

"No," Buffy said, turning toward her. "I wanted to say: You did good. Xander said you saved his life. So, you know, I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud. I know I had very little to do with it. It's probably mainly Mom and Tara, but I'm really proud of… of how amazing you've become."

‘See?’ Buffy thought to herself. ‘I can open up. I can connect. Look at me go.’

"Thanks," Dawn said. "And you had lots to do with it." She reached out, and hugged her sister and fell asleep.

Sleep was not so swift for Buffy. She found herself thinking back to when they were children and Buffy would distract Dawn from the yelling with stories about peasant girls plucked from their menial lives by Fairy Godmothers who made them princesses. Little did she know she would be visited by a Fairy Godmother in the form of an old balding fat guy named Merrick, and her life would never be the same.

But now it could be.

Someone would have to keep an eye on the Cleveland Hellmouth, but it wasn't active and it wouldn't take much work. She could be that girl again, make things up to Dawn, be the kind of sister she deserved. Buffy couldn't remember ever feeling so happy and content as she drifted off to sleep.

The contentment, however, was short lived, as contentment often is. In Buffy’s dream she was running through the school again, terrified, unsure on her feet. As she flew by debris struck her legs over and over, becoming more and more painful till she woke up as Dawn delivered a final sharp blow.

"Ow," she whispered and scooted away. "So much for touching sisterly bonding." Dawn threw an arm out, effectively taking over all but a small sliver of the bed.

Buffy got up and rubbed her bruised shins, casting a wary glance at Dawn. She was still tired, in fact she was beginning to suspect she'd always be tired. In her foggy stupor she gave in for a moment and let herself remember. His arms, the calm, the lack of kicking. She'd restricted her thoughts of Spike most of the day. He was gone and there was nothing to be done. She'd seen too many horribly post resurrection debacles to consider trying to get him back. Well, she'd only seen the one, still it was very bad and not to be repeated. But what if-

Dawn found Buffy hours later in the early morning light, digging through the rubble that was Sunnydale. Her hands were bleeding and tears streamed down her face.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned away from the slab of concrete she was trying to unearth.

"Looking for something?" Dawn continued, trying for lighthearted, but coming off very scared.

Buffy looked around. There was nothing but rubble for miles. The ridiculousness of her task hit her and she laughed a little maniacally, freaking Dawn out even further.

"I, I thought maybe- Vampires are pretty tough, you know?" Buffy said, wiping the tears off her face.

"I'm sorry," Dawn replied. "We should really get going, the press and FEMA, or whoever they send for things like this will be here soon."

"Yeah," Buffy replied, looking around at the crater that was their home. "Hey, how'd you get here?"

"Same way you did - jacked a car."

Buffy had a vague notion that a better guardian would object to this but she pushed it aside.

"Spike taught you too?"

"No, Giles."

"Giles? Seriously? My Giles? Giles the watcher?"

"No, Giles the grocer. There was alcohol involved."

"Oh, he got drunk, then taught you to hot wire cars, that makes it all better," Buffy said as she began picking her way through the wreckage to where Dawn was standing.

"It's a useful skill," Dawn said with shrug. "He did a lot of weird stuff in those first few weeks after you died."

"Alright, I suppose I'll cut him some slack, neither of you are grounded."

"Thanks, of course you can't really ground me, seeing as how we don't have a house."

"Yeah. That sucks. Do you think we had ‘act of primordial evil’ insurance?"

"Well, it was more an act of ‘pissed off slayer’.”

"So our homelessness is my fault now?"

"Well it was your plan, who knew blowing up all those school buildings was just a warm up?"

“’Destructo girl’ strikes again."

"Ooh, you should totally go by that now that Slayer is no longer a unique identifier."

"Unique identifier? Why is it that you talk more like Willow than you do like me?"

"Just lucky I guess."

"Hey!" Buffy objected.

By then they'd made their way back to their stolen cars.

"Which one should we take back?" Dawn asked.

"Mine."

"Why?"

"Cause it's cooler."

"Yeah, if you’re forty." Dawn snorted.

"Nuh uh. My car is young and hip, just like me."

Dawn just laughed in response. "Buffy, you're like 22 going on seventy," she said, getting into Buffy's car anyway.

"You're one to talk," Buffy said getting in as well, "You study Turkish in your spare time."

"I guess we're both freaks."

As they drove off Buffy cast one last look in the rear view mirror.

"I wish we'd grabbed some pictures of mom, you think Dad has any?" Dawn asked.

"I'm sure he does," Buffy replied, not at all sure. "If not, Aunt Darlene will."

"Ok."

"Where have you too been? We've been worried sick," Giles shouted as Buffy and Dawn got out of the car.

He was standing in the parking lot with Willow, Xander and Faith. "Did you steal this?" he continued, flummoxed.

"We don't know how to drive a bus," Dawn explained.

"Hey, Dawn, who did you say taught you to hot wire cars?" Buffy said, looking pointedly at Giles.

"Oh, well, yes. Still, you shouldn't have run off."

"We just wanted to see it again."

"How was it?" Willow asked.

"Depressing," Dawn answered.

"Don't suppose there's any hope of salvaging-"

"No," Buffy replied.

"Well then, new lives all around," Xander declared. "I for one look forward to reinventing myself as an international man of mystery. It's a great opportunity."

"An opportunity to be homeless and impoverished?" Faith asked.

"Actually, I've given it some thought.” Giles said. “We’ll discuss it over breakfast."

Scenes from a Revolution

"So we could be the new council? Just like that?" Buffy said, as she shoved a huge bite of her third helping of waffles in her mouth.

"I don't see why not," Giles said.

"Cause, we're not old, stuffy and male," Faith replied.

"Also, you've got that outstanding arrest thing," Willow added.

"Crap, almost forgot about that. Dude, I so don't want to go back to jail," she said sitting back in the booth and gazing at her eggs. It was probably the last decent meal she’d have, and all she’d ordered was eggs.

"We'll work something out," Buffy said.

"What kind of something? They’re sure to put me someplace twice as secure."

"The kind of something where we break you out repeatedly and eventually they just get tired of the bother."

"You'd do that?"

"Sure."

"But it's against the law," Faith said, doing her best Buffy impression. "It'd be wrong."

"Promise you won’t kill anyone?”

“Promise.”

“Then we’re good,” Buffy said looking her in the eye.

"Thanks," Faith smiled back at Buffy.

"What about the old council members? Won't they want to maintain control?” Xander asked.

"I would imagine so. They're not exactly known for their willingness to embrace change." Giles said, "However, I don't think they'll have much choice in the matter."

"We're gonna threaten the watchers?" Faith said excitedly.

"Fun!" Buffy chimed in. "I mean, not that I enjoy hurting people,” she said looking around the table.

“It's possible I still have some anger over the times they've tried to kill me."

"I don't blame you. I vote the first thing we do is fire those wet works guys," Faith said.

"With no severance pay," Buffy added.

“That’ll teach ‘em,” Xander said.

"Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves?" Willow asked. "How exactly are we going to become the council?"

"Easy," Xander said while hailing the waitress, "Scones all around."

"You're probably wondering why we've brought you here," Buffy began, as she paced in front of the remaining watchers. "You see, things have changed."

"Yes, you've unleashed a power on this world that you can't hope to contain, much less control." One of the watchers spat.

"Foolish girl. You have no idea what you've done. They'll all turn out just like that one," another said, gesturing toward Faith.

"No they won't, they'll have a choice, they won't be alone," Faith replied.

"You really think you can keep hundreds of girls from becoming bullies and killers? Think of how you've changed them. The power will corrupt them as it corrupted you."

"The power didn't destroy me. Living by your rules, being cut off, being treated like nothing more than a killing machine - that destroyed me. The new girls won't go through that," Faith said. "They'll have people watching over them, people who actually give a damn about them."

"Look the bottom line is, we're in charge now,” Buffy said calmly. “The new council will be lead by Faith and myself. Every slayer who chooses active duty will have a say. We've seized the council's holdings-"

"That's impossible!"

"I assure you," Willow answered. "Nothing’s impossible with a laptop, a phone line and some sage. Everything that belonged to the old council has been transferred to the new."

The watchers eyed each other nervously.

"Now, you have a choice, stay on and help us with full pay and benefits reinstated, or leave." Buffy continued.

Three -fourths of the room cleared out.

"Ok. Let’s get to business."

Faith and Buffy stood around the new council meeting table, sorting through papers and glancing around nervously. Both stopped frequently to pull at their suits.

"Feels like we're trespassing," Faith whispered.

"Yeah, I keep thinking Travers is going to storm in and yell at me."

"And, dude, why did we wear these suits?"

"Cause it makes us look professional," Buffy replied as she tugged at her pantyhose.

"It makes us look like business suit Barbie."

"I think we look… totally ridiculous. Do you think there's time to change?" Buffy asked.

Faith glanced at her watch. "No, but we can lose the hose and heels."

"Thank God."

They both shimmied out of their panty hose and gleefully kicked their shoes under the table.

"We can do this." Buffy said.

"Sure," Faith replied. "We know better than anyone what slayers need, and how to be evil, well I do anyway."

"You're not worried about what that stuck up idiot said are you?"

"It's just, if it really was just the circumstances of being the slayer before that drove me round the bend, how come it didn't effect you? I mean there must be something wrong with me, right?"

"But it did affect me."

"Really? You went on a killing spree I didn't hear about?"

"No, but I- I was horrible,” Buffy said looking down. “You should have seen the way I treated Spike."

"I'm sure whatever it was, he enjoyed it."

"Trust me, he didn't. The fact is…” Buffy began. She’d wanted to say this to Faith for so long – but it was hard to find the words. “I think the reason I couldn't forgive you as readily as I did Willow or Angel is that I knew… I knew it could so easily have been me,” Buffy said and looked up at Faith. “If I'd been the one to kill that man, if I hadn't had my friends, it could have been me."

"I don't believe that," Faith replied.

Buffy wanted to argue but she knew Faith would believe it when she wanted to so she let it go.

"Whatever, anyway, it's in the past."

"Yeah, we've put our old problems behind us, and we've got a whole heap of new ones." Faith said as the doors to the meeting room swung open, and a bunch of young awkward looking girls flooded in.

They looked for all the world like the audience at an NSYNC concert, but Faith and Buffy knew they were the most powerful army to ever walk the earth. They stood there for a moment, too awed to speak.

"Um, are we supposed take our shoes off?" One of the new girls finally asked, looking down at Buffy and Faith's feet.

"No, they're just weird," Rona replied.

"And here I was all worried they were gonna be respectful of our greater years and superior wisdom." Faith said to Buffy.

"It's comforting to know that some things never change," Buffy replied.

They settled into their places around the table, and Buffy and Faith spent about 10 minutes looking for their agenda before giving up and deciding to wing it.

"So, I assume Willow, Giles, and Xander have explained the big things, but are there any lingering questions before we begin?" Faith said, in a manner that was so calm and professional that Buffy had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, how come you two are in charge?"

"Kennedy!" Buffy and Faith exclaimed in unison.

"Kidding."

"Ok, first order of business, the Cleveland Hellmouth is dormant, but we do need someone to keep an eye on it." Buffy said.

"Oh Oh, pick me!" Vi cried, shooting her hand in the air.

"Wow," Buffy said glancing at Faith. "Ok, you can have the Cleveland detail if you want."

"Cool," Vi replied and sat back in her seat. "I'm the guardian of the Hellmouth."

"Great, anyone else dying to live on a Hellmouth?"

One of the new girls raised her hand. "I have family there, so it'd be pretty easy to transfer to a college in the area."

"Awesome. Buffy and I will meet with the both of you to go over some things and arrange a schedule for when we'll check in with you." Faith said.

"As for the rest of the world," Buffy began, "LA and London are pretty much covered...."

Several hours later the meeting adjourned, and Buffy and Faith were left alone again in the meeting room.

"I'm exhausted," Buffy said wearily, placing her feet up on the table.

"Me too," Faith agreed. "I feel like I just took on three vamps, two Fyarls and-"

"A partridge in a pear tree," Buffy finished in a sing song voice.

"Exactly. It’s those damn songbirds that really get to you."

"At least that's it for a while. We can take a break, travel, and replace all our belongings."

"Right, well, I didn't really lose a lot in the disaster, but you're right we can do anything. Steady paycheck and - thanks to Angel - no longer a wanted fugitive."

“Congratulations on that,” Buffy said.

“Thank you,” Faith replied.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"Sadly, more than anything, I want to patrol."

"Yeah, me too. Organizing an international army of slayers may be just as tiring, but it's not nearly as fun."

"I'll meet you out front in a half an hour," Faith said as she went to change.

"Deal," Buffy said as she got up to follow.

"So, how are things with Robin?" Buffy asked as she scanned the cemetery ahead of them.

"Not sure, I think maybe the thrill of the Oedipal thing is wearing off," Faith answered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Plenty of fish and all that," Faith replied with a shrug. "I'm thinking of getting me one of those Rugby players, or maybe a Footballer, maybe both."

"At the same time?" Buffy asked.

"Ooh, I like the way you think B," Faith replied to a blushing Buffy. "What about you? Anything on the guy front.?"

"Nah," Buffy said. "It's too soon."

"Because of Spike? Wanna talk?" Faith said a little hesitantly, unsure of just how close Buffy wanted them to be. Sure, she’d accepted Faith as co-chair if the council and they seemed to be getting along pretty well, but did B really want to be friends after all that had happened between them?

Faith was relieved when Buffy didn’t even hesitate before replying, "There's not much to say. We fought, he loved me, we fought more, followed by mutually abusive sex interlude and..."

"What?" Faith asked, hoping she wasn’t over stepping her bounds and hating that she even cared about whether or not she was.

"I don't know. I just keep think of what we might have had. We'd just gotten to this really good place and now..." Buffy shrugged. "I miss him. He was there for me, through everything, in ways no one else was, no one else could be. I don't know if I would have survived the last couple of years without him.”

"Nah. You're strong,” Faith replied. “Maybe he made it easier to survive, but you'd have found another way."

"Yeah. I guess."

"But you still miss him."

"The hardest thing is, no one else seems to. He died to save the world, and it seems I'm the only one mourning him."

"Didn't really know the guy, but from what you say, he seems pretty amazing. I'll mourn with you."

"Thanks," Buffy said turning to look at Faith. She wanted to say more, ‘thanks’ seemed so inadequate. She couldn’t imagine running the council without her. There were lots of other slayers of course, but the girls didn’t get it. They never knew the loneliness. More and more Buffy felt like she and Faith understood each other in ways that no one else could. But she didn’t know how to put her feelings into words so she turned her attention back to the cemetery.

The next day Buffy and Willow met to discuss the magic division of the new and improved Slayer's Council.

"Well, I might be able to sort out some sort of alarm system that'll be triggered if any of them starts misusing their power. But I'm not sure it's a good idea to go all Big Brother on them," Willow said looking at the Slayer map.

The map had about a hundred pins in it, and each pin had the name of a slayer attached. Not very sophisticated, but Willow was still getting set up.

"Yeah, I'm not wild about that idea either. How's the database coming?"

"Its progress is slightly hindered by the fact that I'm trying not to use magic for nonessential things. We'll get there."

"No pressure. How helpful do you think the psych data with be?"

"It might red flag girls who are more likely to abuse their power, but it won't be 100% effective."

"Ok," Buffy said as she glanced at her watch. "Better get going. We're supposed to meet Xander in an hour."

When Willow and Buffy walked into the restaurant, the strangest sight greeted them. Xander was sitting at the table already and what was that in his hands?

"A book?" Buffy asked.

"You're reading," Willow said in a puzzled tone.

"Ha ha," Xander replied and got up to hug them.

"What's the book about?" Willow asked as she and Buffy took their seats.

"The Architecture of London," Xander replied holding up the book. "It's really cool. There are so many building methods and styles here. In Sunnydale it was pretty much 50s tract housing or Spanish Missionary all the way."

“Mission,” Willow corrected. “Mission is a style of architecture. Missionary is a style of …something else.”

“Got it.”

"Have you given anymore thought to whether you want to stay here?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I figure I don't have much choice since my girls are here. Unless you have to camp out on the Cleveland Hellmouth," Xander said to Buffy.

"Nope. All taken care of. Vi volunteered."

"Vi? Vi of the wacky hat?" Xander replied.

"Vi of the wacky hat, she's totally excited about it."

"Great, then I guess I'm a London boy."

"So, you want to work for the council, or maybe get back into construction?" Willow said.

"Well, I think the depth perception thing might be an issue," he replied glancing at Buffy to make sure she didn't think he was guilting her. Her face was characteristically unreadable. "So I was thinking, blue prints are always 2D so maybe I'll get into the design end."

"Oh my God, you're going back to school!" Willow shouted loud enough for the entire restaurant, and most of the block to hear. "Sorry, sorry, heh. Go back to your meals," Willow said to the other patrons, her face turning as red as her hair. "We can go to the same school," she continued in a more normal but still hyper tone. "It'll be just like High School, but without the three digit death count."

"Aw, that was the best part," Xander said.

"Let's go text book shopping tomorrow," Willow beamed.

"Or, hey, we could wait till I take the SAT, find a college, apply, and figure out a way to pay for it."

"Speaking as the co-chair of the new and improved slayer's council," Buffy interjected, "I believe you'll qualify for our Xander Harris college scholarship."

"Well, I do seem to be a shoo in," Xander replied. "Buff-"

"Hey, don't thank me, thank Travers, he was in charge of the council's investments."

"To Travers," Xander said raising his glass." He was an arrogant, murderous prick, but he sure knew his way around the stock market."

"Here here," Buffy and Willow chimed in.

“Oh, crap, I have to go, I’m helping Kennedy look for an apartment.” Willow said, getting up and grabbing her stuff. “But we’ll talk college more when I get home.”

“Deal,” Xander said.

After Willow left an uncomfortable eye-patch-shaped silence descended between Xander and Buffy.

“We used to talk before the all out war against the source of evil. Right?” Xander finally asked.

“I seem to remember that.”

“So, what did we talk about?”

“Ah, movies?” Buffy replied, searching her memory. “Maybe current events.”

“Somehow I can’t picture us discussing Vladimir Putin’s political agenda.”

“Right,” Buffy said.

“So, I hear they have museums here,” Xander offered.

“Yeah, Will keeps going on about them.”

“Wanna go to one?”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

Xander and Buffy walked through the National Portrait Gallery, enjoying each other’s company a great deal more than the paintings.

“So I think we have a winner for the title ‘Most boring museum ever’.” Xander said.

“Yeah and it’s pretty stiff competition around here,” Buffy replied.

“Why again did we decide to do this?”

“For the delighted look on Willow’s face when we report back.”

“Right.”

“So have you picked a fun fact to take back to her?”

“Not yet,” Xander replied looking at a label. “I’m looking for a really good one this time. I think she can tell when we’re half-assing it.”

“And when we make things up,” Buffy replied pointedly.

“What? I never made anything up.”

“Right, everyone knows Queen Victoria was famous for her wild orgies.”

“We don’t know she wasn’t.”

“Yes actually we do. Speaking of orgies…”

“You offering?” Xander asked hopefully.

“No, just wondering if you have any relationship news.”

“No, you?” Xander asked.

“No. Anya?

“Yeah. Spike?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said bracing for the lecture on the evils of dating vampires. The question she got instead was a complete shock.

“Heaven’s nice right?” Xander asked, finally voicing the question he’d held in for two years.

“Yes, it’s … wonderful,” Buffy replied. As she spoke she tried not to remember just how wonderful it had been. “She’s happy, she knows you’re ok and she’s happy.”

“You don’t think, I mean I know she did awful, unspeakable –“

“She’s in heaven. I’m sure of it,” Buffy replied, not at all sure, and pulled Xander into a hug.

Xander and Buffy walked down the front steps of their fourth museum.

“I just can’t shake the feeling that she’ll come back to me.” Xander said.

“Well, it’s not like she’d be the first of our friends to come back from the dead.”

“True.” Xander said staring off into space.

“Maybe we should find another theme. Dead lovers – a little you know, sad.”

“Right,” Xander said perking up a bit. “So, any big evil a brewin’?”

“There are a couple things we’re keeping an eye on. Nothing I’m too worried about.”

“Good, good. Hey, do you think they have paint ball in England?”

Buffy and Xander stood next to each other in the arcade. She played a racing game that she was predictably terrible at, while Xander played pin ball. Buffy glanced at him from time to time. She was on the side of his good eye, and if not for the thin black line across his head, he looked exactly like he always had. She usually tried to be on his right, where she didn’t have to see the big black reminder of her failure.

“So, can I ask something about the eye?” Buffy said after much inner debate.

“Sure, anything.”

“Really? Cause you seem a little avoidy on the topic.”

“No, no, I just don’t talk about it much cause- you know; I don’t want to make you feel bad. Cause, and I can’t stress this enough, it’s not your fault,” Xander said as he turned to look at her.

Buffy continued to stare at the game she was half-heartedly playing, “I know.”

“Do you?”

She shrugged in response.

“Buff,” Xander said.

She turned to face him, half ready to bolt.

“Losing an eye sucks, yeah. But I take the good with the bad, and I wouldn’t trade a minute of the time I’ve known you for my whole body.”

Buffy’s eyes welled up. “I just, it’s my job to protect you and I failed.”

“Hey, none of that,” Xander said and drew her close. “Look around, see these people, this arcade, you kept all this going.”

“I made the world safe for video games,” Buffy said, trying to stop crying.

“Yes, video games and pimply faced kids ditching school. You did it,” he said in a whisper. He held her for a few moments before asking, “Anyway, what’d you want to ask?”

“Oh,” Buffy said wiping her eyes. “I just wondered, how bad is it? The no depth perception thing I mean.”

“Could be worse. I think I’ve adjusted pretty well. I get a little antsy when things are going on on my left. I feel a little…vulnerable I guess.”

“Well, then I’ll have to be your left hand man,” Buffy replied taking up the pinball game on his left side. “No worries. I’ve got you covered,” she said nodding for emphasis.

“Even if you don’t, doesn’t matter,” Xander replied, “I still love you.”

Buffy played her game for a few moments without really concentrating on it. “Really?” she finally asked.

Xander was struck dumb for a moment. How had things gotten this bad? How could she not know that? How could she have gotten so broken and him not know about it? “Of course,” he said and wrapped his arms around her as hard as he could. “Of course.”

They stood there for a long time while the aforementioned pimply- faced kids looked on and snickered.

Finally, they pulled apart. Buffy looked up at Xander and whispered, “I’m not sure I can do this.”

“It’s easy,” he replied solemnly. “Pull the knob and release, then hit the buttons on either side.”

Buffy burst out laughing. It was a loud, long, embarrassing laugh. Xander looked on, delighted. How long had it been since he’d seen her laugh? Years?

“You’re doing fine,” he said as she calmed down. “You made it through the hard part.”

“Yeah but I’d just gotten a hang of the hard part. Everything’s strange and new.”

“I know. We could go kill things – that’ll cheer you up.”

“Nah,” Buffy replied.

“So what do you want to do?”

“Live, I think,” she replied looking around at the arcade. “For now I think I’ll just try living.”